Things that go bump in the night.

   So, last week I was convinced that the worst thing in Jackie's yard was Chubby Bunny, who terrorized Mandy to no end.  This week it's Bambi from Hell!

   Let me explain, I was walking to my car after a day of relaxed fun when suddenly a strange little thing appeared from behind the back of her father's truck, now, this would not be so wierd if I were in say New York. I would assume it to be a homeless guy, throw him a cigarette and be on my merry way before he figured out that it was a clove and tried to trade it out.

   However, this occured near some trees in Ponte Vedra, where there are no homeless people. And, I am ashamed to say, I backed up to the porch before turning and running like the girl that I am...To get a big stick or that vintage 12gauge sawed off that I knew was by the doorway. 

   Once I burst into the house, Jackie calmed me by telling me that I would be ok, and that she would point a flashlight into the woods while she stood on the porch. Fat lot of good that did.

   I returned to the walkway and began to retrace my steps to the car, all the while describing to dear Bambi about how I was going to slow cook him if he tried that shit again. When suddenly, out of the blue or black if you prefer, a loud crashing resounded through the woods, headed in Jackie's direction! I doubled my speed and reached the car as I heard Jackie unleash a very unladylike torrent of f-bombs, cocksuckers, assmunchers, and the like, before slamming the door.

   We made it out alive, but am not sure what decided to poke it's creepy woodland head out of the primordial Floridian woods and scare the piss out of us, but that night I did dream about double bareling Sam & Dean. So I believe that makes up for the injustice of almost making me wet my pants.

Thank you, powers that be. And goodnight.