Well, as this horrid website has decided to prevent me from posting some more of my story, I have decided to let the rest of the world in on some timeless recipes for staying un-hot and bothered in this wonderful 101 degree weather that we're having right now.
Here are a few of my favorites.
1. Ice water (this is not recommended if you are wearing white-or maybe it is!;)
2. Swamp cooler. It's a hell of a lot handier than it sounds
3. Good old fashioned air conditioner.
4. Window unit - this is not the same as a central heating and air, this model requires that you be in the same room as the unit, the rest of the house, unfortunately, is the same temperature that it is outside.
5. A hose.
6. Your car, so you can make your own breeze
7. The refrigerator
8. Ice placed in front of an electric fan, or your little brother who's assignment is to wave a flattened cardboard box over the ice in your direction so that the headless horseman won't come get him that night.
9. If you are so lucky as to poses an airplane, merely crank it, set it on idle, and pop open a lukewarm Cerveza.
10. Ice rubber banded to your dick....If you are so inclined to have one.
There is your summer survival kit, now, go have fun.
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