Expect Amusement Later

   There are some days that seem they will never end. We normally wish that those days are the good ones, but more often than not they are the days that are the worst. Our minds are so focused on negativity that the good rarely shines through. I am endeavoring to become the opposite, my friends and family are burdened enough with everything else that goes on in life. Most of these situations are correctable but human judgment and over-consideration of feelings are often the big blanket that gets in the way. I am of course speaking of my current employment that will end tomorrow morning. 

    I do not like the spiteful and hateful person that I feel I am slowly turning into. I'm tired and want to experience more joys and excitement than the hate and lethargy that have seeped their way into my system. So I say good riddance to this one source of tumult. I know that there are people that I have grown close to at this form of employment that this decision upsets, and yes I am being selfish in usurping the original plan of exit. I have to say that I have never truly wished for anyone's death with the amount of fervor that I do for this boss. So I am cutting myself out of this picture. The money is not worth it, no matter the economy or if I have to live in my car again. It is time that this little doll grow up and deal with things as an adult. 

    My adult decision is now self preservation. Selfish yes, but not as selfish as other immature options I have considered in the past. Now don't mistake me, that reaction was not solely the cause of this job, it was an accumulation of events that I have looked over and my lack of reactions or the proverbial "waving of the victim flag" have made unresolved issues that keep me awake at night and send a cold sweat down my spine at how honestly pathetic I have been in my interactions with everyone I currently or once cared about. I can't fix the past and have determined to never let another situation be "resolved" in that manner again. Sum this all up to say that I am growing my backbone back. And telling the bastard to F- off so I can have time to finish getting this business with Jack off the ground, also to never tell another lie or give another excuse again. Oh...and to keep my soul...and my balls I kind of need those.